he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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