ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize