can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Still dying that you shit outside
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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