Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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