If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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