I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
