I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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