remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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