I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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