I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
