I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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