i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize