youre lurking in front of me
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
