apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
