Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
