she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
