Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
