I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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