Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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