Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
