the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize