Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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