currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
