Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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