My room smells like vodka and shame
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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