yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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