I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
