Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize