i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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