Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
