Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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