Where is the hickey?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize