I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Boobs are out for the taking
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
