I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize