Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
