I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
