Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
