1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
