he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
