My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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