I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
