I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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