I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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