Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
