I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
