I puked a lego.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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