I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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