The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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