i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
