Well apparently he's into motor boating.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
