rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You're like the curious george of whores
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
