Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize