my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
