God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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