just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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