do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I had to cum in my sink.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize