ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
