were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I touched a dick in church today
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
