i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
