So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We are all done wearing pants today
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
