When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
