I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
