please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My ass is underappreciated
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
