He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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