Jerry, you need to find god
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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