Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Your cock deserves a montage
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
